Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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