So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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