Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
