I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
