I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
