I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
