She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
