no, he came in my armpit
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
