On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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