I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
