He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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