I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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