I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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