I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
