Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
