how can u be prego again
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
