You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
