Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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