I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
