shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
foreskin is a definite game changer
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
