oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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