It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
