Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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