My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
