Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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