Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
