erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
