I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
