Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
