It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
