finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
