Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
