Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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