What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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