don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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