the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
