So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
