No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
