hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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