I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
