Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
