You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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