Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
