hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
