I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
