please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize