I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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