It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
