Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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