i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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