I want to make a zoo with you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
