I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
