paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
