My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
