those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
