i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
