Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
