Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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