I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
