No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
