You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
