he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize