I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
