Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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