Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
