he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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