we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
